somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
