he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
