Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
