I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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