i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
