I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
