I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
