my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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