no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
