ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
