He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
