just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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