woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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