I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
