I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
