I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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