Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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