sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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