somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my poor anus
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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