Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As shirtless as possible
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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