They should really pass out barf bags in church
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
