she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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