he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
