today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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