She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
