god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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