Me. At least after what I've been through.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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