dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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