I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
