Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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