mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
