We're like a lot better than the average bears
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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