Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
