i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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