Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
