Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
