Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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