Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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