; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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