I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
