he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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