Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
