Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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