I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
