Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
