There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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