I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
