the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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