i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
