Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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