Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
