and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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