We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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