she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
