not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
