He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
