I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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