Will you blow on my dice?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
