Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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