I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
