My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
not ubering you a puppy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
