glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
MIDGETS
????
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
