I skipped work to stalk him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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