Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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