my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
