I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Enjoy the penises
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
