She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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