I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
