so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
