I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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