omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
