We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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