If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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