my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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