That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
