do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
