I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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