shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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