Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
