just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
only you would photoshop your dick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
