his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
