You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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