I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
