dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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