The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
