I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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