My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
