I only kidnapped one of them. chill
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
