i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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