i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
