He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
