the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
