i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
