My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
