There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
