Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sober January is a disaster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
