I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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