Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
