apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
