Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
