I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
