his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
