I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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