I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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