Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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