Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
