I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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