i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
