I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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