So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
