Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
